(The tourist camp at Nubra Valley, near Leh. It is evening. The GUIDE is settling things, tending to the campfire (still unlit), etc. The side of a tent can be seen back, the start of a tent Stage R. Enter INSPECTOR)
INSPECTOR Hello
GUIDE Good Evening Sir! (enthusiastically) Welcome to Nubra Valley! (by rote) The Nubra Valley lies north of Leh and is accessible over the Khardung La, one of the highest motorable roads in the world. The Nubra Valley was on the caravan route from Leh to Kashgar via the Sasir and Karakoram passes
INSPECTOR (bewlildered) Why are you telling me all this?
GUIDE Is being necessary. Tourist Department say all to be told about Nubra Valley when arriving. I be Lobsang. I be your guide
INSPECTOR Oh, hello Lobsang, I’m –
GUIDE Please to waiting (takes out a sheet of paper, reads) Is you being Mr. Murijmal Gurnani, male, 62 years of age?
INSPECTOR What? No, I’m –
GUIDE Please to waiting. Is you being, Lalkisen Gurnani, male, 32 years of age?
INSPECTOR No, I’m –
GUIDE Please to waiting. Is you being –
INSPECTOR (Interrupting) If you don’t stop that I’ll hang you upside down from that tent there
GUIDE Please. Is being how Tourist Department say –
INSPECTOR Hang the Tourist Department too! Won’t it be faster if I tell you who I am? (GUIDE opens his mouth to speak, then looks at INSPECTOR and nods meekly) Good. I’m Inspector Gurinder Bajwa
GUIDE (Looks in the list) Inspector Gurinder Bajwa, male, 134 years of age?
INSPECTOR Are you a dimwit or something? I’m 34, not 134
GUIDE Is being say 134 in list
INSPECTOR Hang your list! Now where can I sit? My back is aching from that horse ride
GUIDE Is being you want massage?
INSPECTOR If you touch me I’ll tie you into a knot and make a Tibetan wind chime out of you. Now, where can I sit?
GUIDE (Indicates the chairs) You be sitting here. You seeing other tourists on road?
INSPECTOR (Sitting down) They’re on their way (Stretches) Oh man, that was some journey
(Enter Dr. PRIYA GUPTA. She is around 24)
PRIYA Hello
GUIDE Good Evening Madam! (enthusiastically) Welcome to Nubra Valley! (by rote) The Nubra Valley lies north of Leh and is accessible over the Khardung La, one of the highest motorable roads in the world. The Nubra Valley was on the caravan route from Leh to Kashgar via the Sasir and Karakoram passes
PRIYA What?
GUIDE Welcome to Nubra Valley! The Nubra Valley lies north of Leh –
INSPECTOR Oh God!
GUIDE (pressing on) north of Leh and is accessible
INSPECTOR Will you stop that?
GUIDE (determinedly) … is accessible over the Khardung La, one of the (sees INSPECTOR rise and finishes at top speed) one of the highest motorable roads in the world. The Nubra Valley was on the caravan route from Leh to Kashgar via the Sasir and Karakoram passes
PRIYA Why are you telling me all this? It’s all there in the brochure!
GUIDE Is being necessary. Tourist Department say so. (Takes out his list again) Is you being –
INSPECTOR Oh God! Not again! (Snatches the list from GUIDE and looks at it, then at PRIYA) You must be Dr. Priya Gupta
PRIYA That’s right
INSPECTOR (Handing the list back to the GUIDE with his finger at one spot on the list) Here it is. Dr. Priya Gupta. Got it?
GUIDE But Tourist Department say –
INSPECTOR I’m closer to you than the Tourist Department is right now
GUIDE Okay (to PRIYA) Please to be sitting. I waiting for others and then taking all bags to tents
PRIYA (sits on the other chair) Whew!
INSPECTOR Whew is right… I wonder where the Tourist Department manufactures them! Oh, I’m Inspector Gurinder Bajwa
PRIYA Hello Inspector, I’m – oh, you already know who I am
INSPECTOR (laughs) Yes I do. I’m on holiday
PRIYA Me too. Feels good to be in the open air
(Enter DINESH and SONIA, who is holding a doll)
DINESH Oh, hello
GUIDE Good Evening Sir, Good Evening, Missy girl. Welcome to Nubra Valley. The Nubra Valley lies –
INSPECTOR (almost exploding) You’ll be lying here dead if you keep up with that. Wait till they all get here and say it to them all at once. Hello Dinesh, hello Sonia
SONIA Hello Inspector (she sits on the ground and begins to play with her doll)
DINESH Hello Inspector. What a pleasant surprise!
INSPECTOR Surprise? Didn’t Mr. Gurnani tell you?
DINESH Daddy? No, he didn’t say anything
INSPECTOR He was the one who suggested I meet you all here. He called me a few days back and said you’re all coming here on holiday. Anyway, meet Dr. Priya Gupta
DINESH (immediately taken up with PRIYA) Hello Doctor, I’m Dinesh Gurnani
PRIYA Please call me Priya. I’m on holiday and I want to forget all about patients and diseases
DINESH (smiling) Ok, then, hello Priya. Did you see that yak as you came into the camp?
PRIYA Yak! No, I didn’t see it… will you show me? I’ve always wanted to see a yak
DINESH Sure. (to Sonia) Sonia, will you wait here with the Inspector?
SONIA Okay
DINESH Inspector, do you mind?
INSPECTOR Not at all. And please call me Gurinder. I keep telling you that. Especially now that we’re on holiday. I want to forget criminals, just like Priya wants to forget diseases
DINESH Ok, thanks, Gurinder
(DINESH and PRIYA exit)
GUIDE Wait, wait! I no be knowing your name!
INSPECTOR Let them go. I’ll tell you their names. Come here
GUIDE But Tourist Department – (INSPECTOR stands up) Okay, you be telling (takes out his list)
INSPECTOR That was Dinesh Gurnani
GUIDE (Reading) Dinesh Gurnani, male, 28, son of Murijmal Gurnani?
INSPECTOR That’s right. And this is Sonia Khemani
GUIDE Sonia? But is being no Khemani here. Is being written Sonia Gurnani, female, 10
INSPECTOR Okay, they may have registered her under that name then. It’s the same person
GUIDE But Tourist Department…
INSPECTOR I’ll burn down the Tourist Department if you mention it again! I tell you it’s the same person. Now scram
GUIDE What be scram? You want eggs?
END
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